People and understanding

People... I don't know why but I always find people really interesting... I guess all the people on earth are the same on the inside... They're all delicate frameworks, models of glass with a very beautiful inner core. The point is all of us our basically emotional creatures who expect the whole world to behave rationally. ( Quite a lot of expectation I guess!)

I tried out this point Mr Stephen Covey keeps talking about - " Seek first to understand and then to be understood " and really the results were dramatic. Generally when we talk, we're talking about ourselves, we're reading out our autobiographies that's it. When the other person speaks, we're thinking of what we should say next or what the other guy's thinking about us or we're judging him/her subtly. We may deny it but I think all of us keep doing this in most of our conversations. We hardly pay attention to what the other fellow is saying.

Suppose I and my friend disagree on a point. I'll try to tell him my point of view while parallelly he'll try to tell me his point of view. Both of us are concentrating on our own point of view and how to better express it, then how on earth can we catch up with what the other guy is saying?

Seeking first to understand means that i first listen completely and wholly to my what my friend is saying forgetting myself and my ramblings for the moment. I completely understand and reaffirm what he's saying and only then after I've got his point better than he himself has got it, do I put forth my point. I don't just shut up and take notes, but I understand him first instead of babbling away to glory. The wonder of wonders is that he too will now listen to me completely without too many interruptions which means both of us will get our point across and arrive at a synergistic solution. A synergistic solution is a solution which is better than what I propose and also better than what you propose - its good for both of us and its much much better. It comes from a true understanding of any situation from two opposing perspectives at the same time and accepting the situation as it actually is. It emerges from a conversation that's got both courage and compassion elements to it rather than courage bla bla only. Courage is the ability to put forth your point of you irrespective of what the other fellow'll think of you. Compassion is respecting the other person and his point of view as an individual.

I think this is getting too much so I'll stop here...